There are match reports and then there are MATCH REPORTS, and this my friends is a car crash event.
And as you all know, from my perspective there are certain things that are necessary for a good Match Report like, say drama, and unnecessary things like, facts, and no amount of pressure will sway my priorities!!
To set the stage for those that may not remember, the last time we faced the Vampires it was under lights for the season opener last year… you know, the game we got beaten 95-0, the one that started with one of their girls running through her 50th game banner…..Yeah, that game.
So after a whole season in Div 3 we face the mighty Vampires again in Div 1. This time with players of our own who have notched up 18 or so games of their own.
I have to say, I wasn’t feeling optimistic, the Ump was almost refusing to go on because his shirt wasn’t as nice as the other Umpires and 4 of our girls had been at a sleepover party that involved practically no sleep and plenty of partying. Our line up at this point looked more like the walking dead than the dream team. I also wasn’t feeling 100% fabulous thanks to the Rovers Gala Event and some dangerously tasty dessert shots..
The Vampires however were like little bulls in a Hampton Rovers China Shop. Within minutes they’d scored a goal and Lizzie and had shown us that big hits and little girls are a match made in heaven. Caitlyn took a great mark then shanked it. Andy the Ump was still sulking about his ugly shirt and had made it abundantly clear that he was only going to blow the whistle when HE felt like it, and no amount of gentle encouragement from the sidelines would convince him otherwise.
Fortunately, the first quarter ended with minimum damage and gave Callum the opportunity needed to rally the troops, at least I think that’s what he was doing because I was on the sidelines talking about what an awesome dancer I am. In case you’re wondering, I did take time out of my tales to tell Mika to get her mongrel on – albeit from a distance and maybe a bit louder than needed.
Positive parenting…. Tick.
The 2nd quarter had big marks by Batman followed by Squiz with another doozy. Some heavy tackles by Mika and Daisy held them off for a while but unfortunately the pressure got the better of us and they scored a behind. The game seemed to go up a notch about now, the hits got bigger and higher, the physicality was there at every contest and we finally got the ball down our end. Getting it down there however wasn’t enough and we didn’t manage to convert it to points before the quarter ended.
The half time talk had none of the usual rainbows and lollipops that our girls have become accustomed too, in fact, where there was usually rainbows there was “disappointment” and lollipops turned into “it looks like you don’t want to be here”. Ouch. Mika was instructed to get out there and find their best player and SHUT HER DOWN, and the rest of the girls were told that this would be the quarter that won or lost the game.
Firey Coach….. Tick
The hits came hard and fast, with Squiz and Mika giving as good as they got while Batman was taking every opportunity to get the ball where it needed to be. Something untoward was happening though, because we were marking like crazy and shanking like it was the latest must have accessory. Great marks by Maddy, Daisy, Mika, Aliah and Emma was seemingly everywhere. Mika then had a spectacular moment of sporting injustice and kicked a goal that was disallowed for being too good, or being out of her zone – puh, whatevs! If I was a different person I would probably say something about the inconsistent and potentially one-eyed umpiring from the team that rhymes with Rampires, but not me, I’ve learnt my lessons. Instead I’ll focus on the fact that Aliyah did however manage to get a goal on the board. Then they kicked a ball that was touched and were given a goal. Fortunately, we as a collective enthusiastically yelled suggestions and encouragement to the Goal Ump and poorly dressed and hearing impaired other Ump. Mika sustained her first jarred thumb but pushed on and made it to the end of the quarter.
Ugly parenting….. Tick
Controversy …. Tick
The coach laid it all out for the girls and gave them the play while I was consoling my daughter. I’m sure he was really nice but now that we’ve seen his dark side I can’t be too sure…….
The final quarter started with a treat for the crowd. Those that were there were privy to our first fully clad streaker – way to go Billie!
Entertainment … Tick
Mia K had a crack at goal and hit the post – one point (you all know how I feel about that, ugh ridiculous). Then Shanti grabbed the ball and smashed one through, GOAL!! Nuh, didn’t count, then we got a behind minutes before Maddy got a goal that actually counted. Mia S was going off in the midfield and Mika, refusing to give up, was working like a one-armed brickie in Bagdhad. The tension was all the way up to 11 and despite what seemed like insurmountable odds we made it to the end and held it to a 14 all draw!!! All the controversy aside, the Vampires are a cracking team and it was great to see our girls tested and rise to the challenge.
Relief with a tinge of Ripped Off….Tick
Nice work girls, you are a tough group of absolute champions, who despite your parents, ok – mainly me, carried yourselves with dignity and tenacity.
Coaches awards. BOG to Mika, other awards to Maddy, Emily and Mia S.
My apologies for Gary, who didn’t bring his A game to the sidelines (he normally takes his job of controlling me very seriously) and for yet another match report that bears little resemblance to the truth.